A recent flurry of posts on a thread in the wordpress.com forums, initiated by the comments of someone who has a tendency to stir things up whenever they appear, got me to thinking about a few things. I was about ready to get into the fray when I stepped back and realized that for me personally, it just wasn’t worth my time.
In a situation like this where the accusations were broad, and not aimed at any one person in particular – at least as far as I could tell – it’s a good thing not to simply dismiss it as BS, without taking a step back to calmly and honestly ask yourself if any of the accusations apply to you. This is also true when it’s aimed at you as an individual. This is just good practice.
Once you have looked at things honestly and calmly, if there is any truth in what was directed at you, then it’s up to you to make adjustments – or not – the choice is always yours. In the end though, the only thing we really have full control over is ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world.
Since no two people have the same knowns, beliefs and life experiences, no two people are going to view or interpret the same thing in the same way.
As far as whether you want to defend yourself or not, that is entirely up to you. In my experience, you seldom are able to change the other person’s view of the situation, and sometimes your silence speaks much louder than words.
I think your advice is excellent. If there’s truth in what is said then own up to it and make adjustments where required. If there isn’t walk away and let the sound of silence resound.
Brightfeather,
Exactly! We all have better things to spend out time on.
It seems to me that when something arrives in our awareness, it is always a message to us in some way. Those times I have reacted, defended, etc., I haven’t felt good. It’s so much better to ask myself “Is any of this true?”, and then “What of this is wanted, by me?” It’s rarely necessary to “do” anything about someone’s comment. Walk away, as you and brightfeather have said. Take the learning with you, process the feelings if need be, and, hopefully learn 🙂
Muse,
Couldn’t agree more my friend.
Some while ago I decided that whenever I saw something in someone else that I really disliked, I would assume that I was seeing a quality of my own that is hidden in my shadow. I don’t always remember to apply it, and sometimes can’t bear to do so, but when I do I usually feel more charitable toward the schlub I’m looking at, and less judgmental. But boy, talk about uncomfortable!
Frank, It’s definitely difficult at times to look at “ourselves” in the mirror standing opposite us, or on the other end of the phone line or email.
This thread is very pertinent to my thinking right now. To argue the point perhaps gives it more validity than it deserves. Also in looking at the bigger picture, it is very important to use one’s time wisely. If a cycle of reincarnation figures in one’s belief system, then one may wish to make the most of the current lifetime to achieve the goals set for this lifetime on the astral plane before incarnation and burn through as much karma as possible. But of course that is only one way of looking at things.
If one believes on the other hand, that this life is all there is, it would still not seem effective timewise to engage in the argument.
@musEditions
One of life’s lessons that I keep being presented with on my lifelong curriculum is this one: “Those who have done nothing wrong do not need to defend themselves.” Unfortunately, on many occasions I have fought back fiercely to defend myself only to come off looking worse than the offending party. 🙁
@Frank
I have also learned that everyone I meet is my mirror and that the reflection I see in words and behaviours that I intensely dislike in others are found in my “other”.
@Rosanna
Thanks so much for the reminder … “make the most of the current lifetime to achieve the goals set for this lifetime on the astral plane before incarnation and burn through as much karma as possible”
I think it’s good advice for everyone to follow whether or not they believe in reincarnation.
@Rich
Thanks for helping me with my theme conversion. If you hadn’t founded this blog I would not have met you and your friends.
Namaste {she bows}
Richard
Good post. And I think that response was the right one, too.
It takes wood to fuel a fire. No wood, no fire. No problem.
The Association for Research and Enlightenment emails a daily message (for those who subscribe to it) taken from Edgar Cayce’s readings. I thought that today’s was interesting in light of your post and my earlier reaction to your post:
Faults in others are first reflected in self. When such conditions arise in the experience of an entity, there should be first those considerations of that in self that has produced such a reflection, so that the God shining through any activity is lost sight of by self in the fellow man; especially one that is seeking for the spiritual activities in a material plane, and he that would gain the world and lose self’s own soul has lost all.
Edgar Cayce Reading 452-3
I have fallen into this trap. i have found myself defending the side i dont agree with just because i was mad about the attacking blogger. unfortunately some have discovered that making polarizing statements gets them attention. Terrific blog you have!
@chris, thanks for the compliment on my blog.
It’s sometime easy to fall into the trap especially when someone finds a button [of ours] they can push, and for some that seems to be a major motivation in their life; finding buttons and them pushing them. Not much of a life if you ask me.
If we can manage to avoid that first hook they toss in the water, then we take away their joy. No joy and they go away.
This is a very timely post for me, as in twice – in the last week – I was given the opportunity to get into such self-defense/justification modes here in the Blogland. First, the two incidents took me by surprise as they were firsts, back to back, in the 18 months that I’ve been blogging. What I chose to do was simply state my own perspective in as polite way as possible, and then detached from it. Maintaining healthy boundaries and speaking assertively (yet honorably) about one’s own views is a good thing, I think. However, I will not be drawn into the drama of which some like to play in 🙂
I, too, believe that every person we meet comes with their own special ‘gift’, be it a lesson, a reflection or some other opportunity for growth and awareness. Thanks very much for speaking to that.
Grace,
You are welcome, and thanks. I think your way of handling the situations was a good one.
Though our beliefs differ, I find the commonalities worth noting. One of the responses to your missive mentions a quote from Cayce, “especially one that is seeking for the spiritual activities in a material plane, and he that would gain the world and lose self’s own soul has lost all,” the last portion of which is a direct quote from the Bible:
“For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” (Matthew 16: 26, new King James Version)
Rather than make your point (again) about “flaming” one another, I believe an open dialog, (rather than the monologs that the offending parties level at one another in said blogs) is mutually beneficial.
Or, to quote a cliche I’ve heard repeatedly in recent months, “You may be the only Bible someone ever reads.”
Thanks for your willingness to help a fellow traveler, walking on possibly a parallel path with a different vista.
Jay
This is interestingly timely for me as well : ) I think, sometimes, a bit of friction may very well be a good thing. It can flesh out what lies just beneath the surface — it may well be the only time we get to see the real deal of the people with which we’re interacting, maybe to see that thing we need mirrored back to us : ) I’ve come to learn though, that it isn’t always a mirror of us, but it can often be a mirror of an energy we carry from the past. A familiar energy from some abuse endured in our childhood. We may often draw people like those abusive ones… Anything we love or continue to hate, we will draw to us. Our emotions are that powerful.
But if we are honorable, honest and authentic in general, then there’s no reason that we should change that modus operandi in moments of disagreement or defending ourselves, standing up for our beliefs, making clear our boundaries.
Recently I was honest, honorable and authentic in my disagreement with someone on here. Unfortunately, she was shocked that someone actually disagreed with her (one of those little facts of life), and her response to me was less than honorable — in fact, she said something that was very hurtful, and blatantly judgmental. I allowed no further comment on a post that was kinda spurred by this disagreement, closing comments immediately after [we both had our] say, which included the insulting comment. I think that made her angry. She responded by quickly deleting the original comments from her blog, which seemed very dramatic to me. All of the comments, both on mine and hers, were exceedingly tame. So it made me wonder why she didn’t want others to see what brought it all about.
But again, I have no regrets about anything I did or said in the situation. If it’s done with honesty, honor and authenticity, the rest doesn’t matter.
Additionally, when you find situations where no one is ever disagreeing, well, I kinda find that scary. There’s no doubt in my mind that people are not being authentic in such situations. They even say that couples who never “argue” are more unhealthy than those who do at times. It brings to mind Stepford Wife kinda people with glazed eyes 😉 Often people like that live quietly, but miserably together for 20 years or more before finally speaking up and resolving things…or realize they’ve wasted a lot of time with the wrong person.
The answer isn’t continual “peace,” with everyone holding back in fear of rocking the boat. I know some people are truly horrified at the thought… Some people are also so very afraid that they won’t live up to the image that their “followers” have created for them. That’s an unfortunate “prison,” and a block to being authentic.
Besides being a sham, this sham of peace is simply not healthy. We can’t always agree, and if that seems to ALWAYS be the case, then someone’s holding back who they truly are. Again, very not healthy, and no one grows or learns much of anything in such a situation. The key, again, is being honorable, honest, and authentic across the board, no matter the situation or topic of conversation.
“To thine own self be true.”
Peace,
Dove